9 years this summer since your burst into my world. 9 years of giving me the one thing I never thought I could be…. A dad.
The joy at seeing the first picture,
The pride at seeing your first day at school,
The pain of seeing that first fall,
Make me your dad.
Yet there’s deeper pain, for you and for me.
The pain you experienced at the start of your lives.
The pain that continues to be experienced because of it.
The pain at the questions it causes you.
Do I shout because I hate you,
Do I cry because I yearn for life without you,
Do I get sad because you made me so.
No no and no again.
I shout because I want to help you and I can’t find the words,
I cry because I want your life to be better and I feel like I’m not the best I can be
I get sad because I hate to see you struggle and wish I could help and show you the way.
I can do all of these things and I will always try.
I wish I was perfect, but I hope to teach you there’s no such thing as perfect.
But know this. I will fight for you, love you and hold you for the rest of my life.